SKYPE....

Recently, I dropped my cell phone into the toilet and now its no longer operational. I wasn't traveling, nor does my life revolve around my cell phone, so I wasn't in a hurry to go and replace my phone. My friends can leave me voice messages and I can call them up later. Unfortunately, I don't have a landline phone. So I turned to SKYPE since 99% of my friends all have cell phones. With a headset attached to my laptop, I can call up any other person's cell phone for freeeee (until the end of the year)!!

Unfortunately, with the simplicity of the cell phone, I have none of my friend's numbers memorized!! So those who called and left messages, I won't be able to return your calls....

Tequila Mockingbird

Since moving to Santa Barbara, I've had little chance to see live shows around town by local musicians. I've been guilty of frequenting the downtown nightclubs / bars (WildCat, Tonic, Sharkees) instead. Because I've had to work this weekend, I found myself without evening plans.

My room-mate invited me along to go see one of his friend's band play at The Neighborhood.. According to my roommate, the Tequila Mockingbird is an eclectic mix of rock, blues and party classics.

Crowd stirring band! They covered "Hotel California", "I Wanna be Sedated", "White Wedding" to Prince's "Revolution" and much more. They also played some originals and surprisingly, the songs were great!! I enjoy this genre of music over the Raves and Hip Hop of the nightclub scenes. Even the crowd was different. Less made-up, more casual and a lot friendlier. I would definitely see them again.

Closure...

The internet has made life a lot simplier. I can make reservations online, work remotely, "talk" to friends, etc, etc.. without ever having to leave my house. On the negative side, I don't know if my weight gain and being introverted are results of not having physical interactions. But that's another topic of discussion.

The internet has also made it easier to locate and connect with old flames. I've been known to look up old flames just to find out that they are happily married. On some some occasion, they are not happily married and those are the ones I try to avoid. I've learned there are reasons why they are old flames. Once I dreamt of an ex being violated by another man. I discovered on the internet that he is currently serving time in a California state prison.

Recently, I have been receiving emails from old flames just checking up on me. One email in particular evoked some emotions. We dated for six months almost ten years ago. I broke up with him because I thought he blew me off to go to a friend's party. No one wants to feel stood up and unappreciated. At that time, I was immature, impetuous and quick-tempered and I reacted by... ceasing all communications.

In his email, he wrote:

"I wouldn't of blown you off, that wasn't me. Maybe we didn't get along that night or something. I could've been upset that you didn't make it, and you might of been upset at me. I know one thing, I really liked you and wouldn't of wanted anything to end between us. Sometimes I wondered for a long time how in the world I could've let you slip away. I do remember one thing for sure, we were both very stubborn. I tried to call you a little while later and your phone had been disconnected. That's probably when you had moved. That was unfortunately the end of that. "

It's these kinds of closure that I appreciate. I'm sure it's not necessary to want to know why someone rejected you, but it helps the healing process. The cliched - "It's not you, it's me" is not closure.

Mood: Low Spirit

The last several days have been chaotic- an emotional oscillation. I haven't worked this hard since college - correction, since my previous employment harvest hours. Days starting at 5 in the morning, barely eating anything during the day and getting home around 8 at night. I am wrapping up my project to be delivered by the end of next week. Fixing bugs and finetuning everything. Attempting to locate and fix memory leaks... it's been a difficult task.

With my little girl in the Dominican Republic and with this crazy frenetic work schedule, I have found myself a little low-spirited lately. I believe the lack of exercise probably exacerbates the situation. I've had to miss the last several spin classes. I've been contemplating my future. I want to buy a house with a yard for my little girl to play in. She would like to have a brother or a sister.

Dating is challenging for a single mom. Most of the men I meet are not mature enough to handle the situation or they choose not to. I'm sure they feel financially and emotionally overwhelmed by the "immediate" family. It doesn't help that most of the men I meet tend to be younger than I am. Sure, sure -- the immediate solution would be to meet people my age or older. However, attraction doesn't work that way.

So on the occasion that I am approached by someone for a drink or dinner, I am explicitly inform them that I am a single mother. They are straightforward in letting me know that they are not ready to parent someone else's child and ... the courtship begins. Somewhere in the back of my head, I know the relationship is doomed from the start and will not have a future. So why even bother?

Tianna is gorgeous. She is a loving daughter. She is bright, talented, caring and very adventurous. She rarely gets moody. She is an all around great kid. She's been fortunate to have traveled to many countries. She's told me when she is older, she would like to travel the world and meet people and learn about their cultures. She is my pride and joy. Yes, their is a negative social stigma of being an unwed mother but despite the financial difficulties in raising a child alone (especially here in Santa Barbara) and the hopeless dating scene, if I had to do it over again, I would have made the same decision.

Home at last.....

I believe the "free server" that was hosting my site was down. Figured it was time to change servers. Moved over to HostMonster.com but have lost all my images because I don't think I have FTP access to the old server. I'm in the process of rebuilding my website but with work and vacation coming up, it might be my last priority. Maybe Brady, if you are reading this... you can forward me my images??

Channel Islands - Santa Cruz

Went back to Channel Islands this past weekend to do some kayaking to the Potato Harbor Beach. The beach was a little over 2 miles away from the pier. We were kayaking up wind and it literally took us closer to 1.5 hours to get there. On the way back it only took us 40 minutes downwind. However, we had to endure half hour of heavy winds and large waves. Fearing my kayak would capsize or that I would get blown away, we quickly tied our kayaks together. We made it back safely but next time, we need to leave a lot earlier before the winds kicked it.

I think we have exhausted Santa Cruz Island having hiked all the trails. Our next trip to the islands will be to the sand dunes and beaches of Santa Rosa Island.

But until then --- FIJI --- two weeks away!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Washington DC

I spent the early part of last week in Washington DC with our customers. The last several months was spent developing the product and this month we test, train and deliver. I was pretty elated about the whole trip and was looking forward to having some free time so I could explore the Smithsonian, Washington Memorial, etc.. This was not the case.

I stayed in Crystal City in Arlington, VA and was amazed with its extensive underground shopping and entertainment complex.

By the way, even with all the posting of the prohibited items you can and can not carry on board a plane, I still found myself oblivious to them. I had my purse searched and the security officer confiscated my sunscreen lotion, lip gloss, triluma and retin-a cream. I couldn't care less about the sunscreen and lip gloss but triluma and retin-a at an easily $100 a tube, I was furious! Fortunately, I was able to talk the guard into letting me keep the triluma and retin-a. They were prescription medication. I would like to know what they plan to do with all the items they confiscate?